Flesh Drive

The lost and found at the library is possibly one of my favorite things about my job. The collection is full of odds and ends and sometimes when it's slow, they make an appearance. There are 80's era sunglasses and plaid shirts galore. Sometimes, the more daring of my co-workers don these items and run around the workroom. Many of them are in mid-management positions. 

One of the largest collections in the lost and found are the flash drives, complements of our public computers. There are flash drives in all shapes and sizes and if they are there for over a month, we the staff are free to take them.

I had been eyeing one specific flash drive all summer. Bright blue and adorned with cartoon-ish goldfish, it was cute enough for me to cope with the level of nerdery which I feel comes with owning a flash drive. At the end of the day I scooped it up and took it home.

I plugged the flash drive into my computer, expecting to see the standard collection of word documents I would have to delete. But no. This was no ordinary flash drive. The folders had names such as "Trashy White Girls," "Black n Wet," "Grls from Craigslist," and "Triple Xxxx."

Lovely. 600 files of porn. And one folder entitled "me." Curiosity got the best of me and I called my mother over to witness the level of horror which was currently plugged into my computer. Upon opening the "Me"folder, there were several photographs, entitled "Me," one through approximately 66. I hesitated when clicking it, terrified I was going to see a very naked, very overweight middle aged man (our average clientele) show up on my screen. My mother covered my eyes with her hand. "It's okay," she assured me. "I've seen it before. Click it and I'll tell you if it's okay." Not having the heart to crush my mother with the fact that I had indeed seen a naked man before, I complied. 

While the man was not naked, he was one who came into the library. Daily. And who I would never be able to look in the eyes again. 

Further browsing resulted in a word file entitled "the Rules." Here is the file, word for misspelled word:

"I have read your note and I did enjoy my self but I sense that you need more. More direction and more HUMILIATION and training are needed. I can see that I will need more toys and training aides. I think we can have a LONG and wonderful relationship but there will have to be some rules and you will need to obey them at ALL times.
Rule No. One: I am in charge at all Times and you will follow my directions.
Rule No. Two: There must be a safety word that you will say if the Pain is to much.
Rule No. Three: Each session is over when I SAY it is over, about an hour or so.
Rule No. Four: You will ALWAYS write me a critic of my work and email it to me
Rule No. Five: At the beginning of each session you will give me an envelope which will express you gratitude for my services monetarily, paddles and toys cost and I’m sure you want to say thank you to your Master.
If you agree to these terms we can set the time for the next meeting………………..Ed"

Needless to say, the next time I help him will put every customer service seminar I've ever had to the ultimate test. Also, it took over an hour to delete all the files.